b e t t e r FAMILY
S
chool is the definition of
change. Each year can start
off bumpy with the switch
to the next grade, a new
teacher, and different
classmates. Stress intensi-
fies when kids make the
quantum leap from elementary to middle
school and from middle to high school.
In addition to the raised bar of more
challenging academics and extra personal
responsibility, new middle-schoolers must
learn to cope with puberty, peer pressure, and
exposure to negative influences such as drugs
and alcohol. “The social group takes on a lot
more importance,” says D’Arcy Lyness, Ph.D.,
child and adolescent psychologist and behav-
ioral health expert for the Web site
KidsHealth
.org.
“Kids are more concerned about fitting in,
will I make friends?”
Seemingly smaller issues (to parents)—
managinga locker for the first time, surviving
gym class, navigatingthe lunchroom—can also
throw normally confident students for a
temporary loop.
By the time they enter high school, most kids
feel comfortable about their friends, but the
pressure to succeed escalates. Sports and
academics get more competitive, and kids can
get stressed out over getting Bs instead of As or
not doing so well in basketball anymore. They
wony about getting into a good college and
being able to find a decent job someday.
Through all these changes, big and small,
your child will look to you for perspective
and expectations, if not always advice.
i
I
NERVOUS IS NORMAL
You can probably remember being told as a
kid, “Oh don’t be so nervous.” Not very helpful
was it? Dismissingher anxiety can make her
feel alone, as though her concerns don’t
matter. Validate the feeling. Let her know it’s
normal to be nervous. Share a story about your
own back-to-school jitters.
Another effective technique is to encourage
your child to embrace the excitement, which
is the flip side of anxiety. “Excitement is about
looking ahead to something you’ll love and
enjoy,” says Lyness. Point out that middle
school and high school open up opportuni-
ties to join new clubs or teams that specialize
in everything from photography and jazz
music to lacrosse and volleyball. Remind
your child that—
just a short year from
now—she will very likely be the cool older
kid helping a bewildered ninth-grader find
the biology lab. If nervousness persists after a
few weeks, school counselors can often help.
Personal and social guidance is as much a part
of their mission today as givingacademic and
career advice.
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SEPTEMBER 2009 BETTER HOM ES AND GARDENS
